November 24, 2011
I entered the day room, where most of the staff and all but one of the patients from ward 400 were crowded around the food and sitting at the tables enjoying the meal. Huntington had prepared a full and wonderful Thanksgiving buffet for each ward for the holiday.
Gabriela pointed out to me that one thing was missing from their feast: turkey. As we sat at our little table in the day room, Gabriela giggled as she leaned over to tell me a story. I was so happy that Gabriela was full of life again.
As we enjoyed the dinners I had brought for us, she started telling me why there was no turkey.
“Well, there’s this new guy that came in today, he was wandering around the ward telling everyone, ‘I’m a doctor, I have my PhD from Cal Tech, I’m a doctor, really.’ I was trying to help him, so I told him I believed him; that he is a doctor, that is, but that he needed to chill out. He needed to do what they said or they would put him in the quiet room. I brought him to the posting in the hallway so I could show him how to call and get an advocate.
“He kept telling me I was just a girl, that I was just a ‘pussy.‘ The client assistant heard him, and warned him not to use that type of language, and I warned him again about the quiet room.
“Then the food arrives and we all come in to fix plates, and he comes in and starts yelling that he is being held against his will and that he’s a doctor. Then he turns around and spits into the turkey!
“Everyone was so mad, they had to throw away all the turkey, and they gave him a shot and stuck him in the quiet room.”
Gabriela laughed.
She and I couldn’t have been happier! Neither of us expected that we would be sitting in a psych ward for Thanksgiving 2011.
When Cody, Gabriela’s father, didn’t visit or even call on Thanksgiving, it was no surprise. He had already told Gabriela he had plans for Thanksgiving Day so he wouldn’t be able to visit, but that he would stop by the following evening.
Gabriela knew all too well that this was typical behavior on the part of her father. I know she would have loved him to be interested and attentive, but she had no such expectations and his absence didn’t have any impact on the day at all.
Gabriela finished the dinner I had brought for her and asked if I thought Claire might be able to join us. I sent a text message to Claire, who responded that she’d be delighted to meet me at a halfway point. So I took a break and drove to pick Claire up. Gabriela called during the one hour that I had been gone, because I was taking too long for her comfort.
After I got back with Claire the rest of Thanksgiving Day seemed to fly by. But at the end of our visit, Gabriela’s demeanor changed like someone had flipped a switch. She became angry because she wanted to use my cell phone, which was against the rules, but she was insistent. I explained that both she and I would get in trouble, and I wouldn’t be able to bring it with me anymore.
Claire could see that Gabriela was getting worked up and it made her very uncomfortable, so she said her goodbyes and advised she’d be in the waiting area.
The three of us walked toward the double doors together. When we got there, Gabriela grabbed me by my shirt collar, and jerked my head down so that she could look me eye to eye.
Through clenched teeth she spat, “Get the fuck out and don’t bother to come back, you fucking bitch!” Then she pushed me back with her fist as she released her grip.
The client assistant had arrived to open the exit doors, unaware that there was any issue at all.
I turned back to Gabriela and just said, “I love you, see you tomorrow.” Then walked through the doors with Claire to head home.
Claire was shocked at how quickly Gabriela’s mood had changed; she wondered out loud what might have precipitated the change. I already knew that the answer was nothing. At the moment, Gabriela’s moods changed for no reason. But that didn’t make it any easier to witness.
These mood swings were part of Gabriela’s grab bag of new behaviors now, and I never knew what to expect or when and if it would change. I just had to not take it personally, despite the fact that sometimes it hurt like hell.